When a good marriage goes to...Taco Bell

hola companeros,

You might never believe what craziness I just heard about.

One of my best friends from forever ago is getting divorced. I know, loco huh?

It gets worse. It's a tragic tale of brutality and unkindness. Here is this pobre little xicano, married to this uh, 'rubenesque' chica for about 10 years or so.

Turns out, someone was cheating. AND, got kicked out of the house on several occasions.

It's so sad when a bato has to go outside the house to get his needs met. What else was he supposed to do though?

She simply wouldn't do it for him anymore. As a matter of fact, it turns out, she quit doing it for him shortly after they got married.

To make things worse, she still expected him to do everything he always did, regardless of whether she capitulated or not.

It doesn't get much lower than that companeros. When a man and woman who get married with certain ..understandings and even expectations end up broken because one of them won't fulfill their sacred duties.

What was he really asking for anyway? Some display of affection, a little love. Just enough to know that he was appreciated que no?

NO no no. She wouldn't have it. She began holding out almost as soon as the ring was on.

Oh, she gave him plenty to look forward to before they got married. Back then, there were no undiscovered joys. They were almost perverse in the way they carried on, and she only encouraged him...Until.

She had him where she wanted him. Married and knowing he was a man of his word and faith. She knew he would never break his vows. She took full, unfair advantage of him.

He was a man in love, more, he was a man infatuated. She did things for him that were thought only to belong to gods and immortals.

Oh, she could cook.

I witnessed it myself before they got married. They would invite me over for dinner and I would arrive to a scene that was almost wondrous.

Tamales, sopa de arroz, tacos, enchiladas, and oh my God the frijoles. She did unnatural things, incredible things, with the beans.

It was like winning the lottery to be invited to a meal at their place. It didn't matter what meal, Breakfast lunch or dinner. She always had food. Tremendous food, lots of food. Tantalizing and intoxicating food.

Homemade corn AND flour tortillas. She made her own chorizo for God sake. Tamales made the old fashioned way with Puerco de cabeza. Oh lord, I am drooling just thinking about it.


Yes, she cooked for him like no other woman could cook. She served him like a king at the table. He would want for nothing when they were just shacking up.

He worked two jobs with overtime at each just to pay for the things she would cook.

He sacrificed, scrimped and saved to keep the pantry and refrigerator full. Anything she wanted, everything she asked for, he gave it to her. Just to keep her in his life, being his comida queen.

He proposed, she accepted. In the months after the wedding, everything went as it had before. Then, she began slipping in a TV dinner here. Picking up fast food. Within six months, she hardly cooked anything anymore.

He tried everything he could think of to salvage the relationship. He begged, cajoled, even tried to bribe her. Nothing doing. The kitchen was closed.

He began to sneak out, after work, stopping in at greasy little taco joints. Picking up a Gran Burrito at the trokas by the packing house parking lots.

He began to slip though at the end. She would find a smudged restaurant receipt or balled up napkin in his pocket or coat. Then the fight would begin. The accusations would fly.

She finally kicked him out. telling him she didn't want a man who couldn't be faithful to his wifes comida.

He desperately argues his point that no man should be cut off entirely just because they are her recipes and the right to use them.

"Meet me halfway", he insists. "I can handle chinese takeout every so often or frozen pizzas on a weekly basis, but give me something to live for."

Marriage is not something to take lightly, companeros. When you make a solemn promise in front of God and everyone to provide and take care of your partner, it is a lifelong promise.

If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.